"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
- Groucho Marx
Besides the fact that it's books, or at least writing, that make civilization possible, I have a special passion for books, even more than for comics. Natural aptitude, as well as constant practice, make me an extremely fast reader, and I generally read six or seven books per week--somewhat less for non-fiction, somewhat more for light fiction and children's books (Lloyd Alexander, writer of The Chronicles of Prydain, is still one of my favorite authors). In reviewing books, I follow Samuel Butler's observation, "The oldest books are still only just out to those who have not read them."
You know, one of the things that amuses me is that professed
believers in newage (rhymes with sewage, say Penn and Teller)
stuff like ESP have such paltry ambitions for their so-called
psychic powers. The problem with Uri Geller isn't that he's a
charlatan, although he is, just as the problem with his believers
isn't that they're gullible, although they are--the problem is
that the scope of their imagination is so trivially tiny, so
mind-bogglingly miniscule, that they are prepared to be impressed
by someone who claims to be able to--only sometimes, when the
conditions are just right, and there are no skeptics or hostile
vibrations around, just maybe catch the whiff of a thought from
someone else's noggin, preferably someone who shares a close
psychic bond such as twinhood, ever so slightly more than chance
would dictate. Well, whoop-de-do.
The fantastic mental powers I have at my
command can unerringly cross vast distances of
time and space, and implant thoughts into the heads of complete
strangers, and I am prepared to prove it under rigorous and
exacting scientific conditions, without elaborate preparation, without
even knowing the time or location of the test, or if there is a
test going on at all!
Ready?
You will now think of an elephant.
But wait, there's more:
The elephant is standing on its hind legs. It is green. It is waving a banner that says, "If the Psychic Network is so psychic, why don't they call you?"
Convinced? Well, then, let me cross the barrier of death, and communicate across the centuries, linking your mind with that of a genius long departed:
Glendower: I can call spirits from the vasty deep.
Hotspur: Why, so can I, or so can any man; But will they come when you do call for them?
Such then is the power of the written word. You have at your command the ability to receive the thoughts of others at anywhere and anytime, over any degree of separation of time or space, provided only that you can read what they have written, just as you can transmit your thoughts as long as you can write for them to read. Even differences in language need not prove themselves a barrier to the committed. Go now, and use this power wisely.
- Joshua Macy, 7/21/2001